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Thursday, April 15, 2004
To the most beautiful Woman I have ever known...
You...
my Beloved , Pim !
Always and Forever...
On this 15th April 2004...
Your Day .
Fire .
Truth .
Radiance .
Your gracefull fingers playing Visions in the shiny colors of your paintings.
A vibrant heart echooing a primal dance in the beats of quasers .
Water .
Innocence .
Voluptuosity .
A sudden soft , sweet breeze gently caressing Dreams only Angels have seen...
Ocean deep blue argenta in the stars frozing your moonlight skin...
Air .
Impulsivity .
Restleness.
Your breathing...an open sky blue scented Spring blossoming .
Words ...butterflies rainbow dancing in the shape of your writtings ,
cristaline as your giggle,sharp as a silex, irreverente as your humour,silente as your fury
Earth .
Freshly Scented .
Creative.
The secret language of your hands .
Season eternal and always new flourishing in the suns everlasting dawn..
Atma .
Imortal .
Sublime .
Diamond glow sparkling rays of pure fire .
The Goddess mirror shinning in the dephs of your clear blue veilled eyes..
Your Everlasting Essence...
a song forever inprinted in the Universe atoms...
a mantra pulsing Prem in our cells longing...
So proud to share with you the adventure of this Universe!
So happy to have found in you my ever best friend !
So close to you for being my Sis...!
...because you forever changed our lifes the moment you first time giggled
in your dazzling new born teethless proud smile !
lots of most moist,sticky and messy kisses
all over your "irreverente" nose ,
and a most tight , squeezing , bear hug...(nah,nah..no
protesting ! ) , for being the loveliest Sis !
all my Love ,
Mila
Moonlightdreamland , Your Day , 2004 C.E , day of Jupiter , Full Moon .
Posted at 01:00 pm by Flora
Monday, April 05, 2004
05th Abril 1930 , midday , somewhere in the African Jungle...
The moment you were born the Xaman lady took you away from your mother.
You were born on a sacred day for the People that lived deep inside the Jungleīs heart .
They saw you as the Promessed Child ,someone with both worlds running in her veins..
Born in this ancient land , far across your parents homeland , you no longer were a Lusitan...
You became a daughter of Africa.
You told me about the ritual they did to you .
How they took you in the river and bathed you in the middle of the Hyppos...
The first milk that nourished you was the sweet ,sacred riverīs water...
The Tiger claw that made your pinky , soft flesh bleed ...
The ritual of the " Blessing " ...
If it wasnīt for your grandmother , Rosemary ,
to protect the Xaman from your parents fury
you might never knew ...
what the Xaman knew the moment she saw your deep , black eyes.
You might never did..
what you did forty years later..
when you bathed your daughter in the same waters that once nourished you .
You said then my eyes were as black as yours..not this deep brown they now reflect.
But I know...my eyes could never reach a soul as far as yours ,they could never touch a heart
as deep as yours .
Sometimes Iīd watch you close .
So proud that you were my " Mother" and yet...
I could never see through your veilled mistery .
Those things you kept only for yourself...
It always upseted me the way you read my mind : " -I know your heart , even before
you were born , Angel ! " and then youīd softly laugh at my cheeks red of fury .
Your eyes were on me too.
I chalenged you .
You never made things easier for me just because you were my mother.
You took my chalenge and treated me as an equal .
I was the age of nine .
I guess should I give the trouble of doing the maths
Iīd easily know what age you are today .
But I really donīt care...
Can our Atma be measured by the years of a lifetime ?
Even as a child I was aware you knew about my "weakness" ..
My nature was not untamed like yours..but on my own way .
I know you were worried about my "sweetness" , this maidenīs dreams...
The hopeless " romantic idealism "...you seemed never to understand .
You made me a free-thinker .
You taught me how to trust my heart and to listen to my thoughts.
And then you told me to reach higher the boundaries of my being . And to break them .
We can never miss the one who lives in your heart ,
You told me just before you left .
I begged you more time . Shouted at you . Used against you all that you had taught me .
Finally just cried . Once more a baby in your arms .
I thought if my arms were strong enough to hold u back you could never leave me .
Like I did when ud put to sleep , remember ?
Even today I reffuse to accept your reasons...I reffuse to accept one day...
On your day..
I brought you a red rose .
A bolero .
Your scent .
The strengh of your arms around me .
The way uīd caress my hair , my head resting in the warmth of your lap...
And my kisses !!!!
You can protest as much as you want...im still going to say " one day , Mommy ure going to beg 4 my kisses n I shall not give u even one ! " ..but not today !
Today Iīm going to kiss you as much as I want !
We all are...
All your daughters and sons..and yes, ur grandsonīs too !
... until the day of the promess you made me !
...love is in d air ..crosses d ocean...swirls around a cell line...kisses a Premiīs ear...blushes a Premikaīs soft cheeks
It always amazes me this greatness of pure Prem...something bigger than our own Atmas . We dont possess love...But once u feel it echooing in ur heartbeat, filling the space around u with its chanting..calling for ur Premikaīs heartbeat ...until all u can listen is but one heart beating..two hearts that beat as one...and all this land , n d ocean n d moon n d sky n d stars..n even above...deeper ur Atma..d face of d One...everlasting ,bright , pure Prem ! ...d only reason that keeps a heart beating...sometimes through d tempest n d tears...endless darkness of confusion n silence...sometimes ud just wished u never had a heart !..the cicles we all must face . Could a Spring blossom without d harshness of a Winter ? and why is d Dawn so beautiful , just as it awakens from d night ? when all seems to have lost its meaning i raise my glance to d heavens above...n i smile through my tears . Prem made them n me..both mortal, d dance of dark matter n light...both a mandala of d One,so soon fadding away... n its living mantra..echooing in both our hearts...pulsing d chant of life under d Dancerīs feet! im so little ! a drop of dew looking at d face of Eternity..im nothing..cristal dreams spreading worlds in d rays of d dawn..only Prem is...
Posted at 06:34 pm by Flora
Saturday, April 03, 2004
Our Birthday
" Iīm home , Baby ! "
" Bom dia minha suavidade ! Tanto querer de minha vida !
Minha teimoso Princesa ! Me adorar teu barriga botão !
Ela abrir mim ! ...muito beijar ! mmm XXXX ! "
Tum mere pagal hoon !
Me tum se divani hoon mere Jaan...
Me tum se pyar kaarti hoon , Premi...
" I shall take this harp of my life .
I shall tune it to the notes of Forever ,
and when it has sobbed out of last utterance ,
lay down my silent harp at the feet of the Silent ...
No more sailing from harbour to harbour
with this weather -beaten boat ..."
" For my heart is enough your chest ,
for your Freedom my wings ..."
" Iīm again staring at the sea which brings the fragrance of my Beloved
and fills me with so much saudade...
Iīm thinking of the magic times we share...
I want you to wear sky blue today , Love . "
Iīm staring at the same sea...
Far across the other side of the Ocean .
Wondering if this round , golden Moon
Is the same who bathes your smile in the Moonlight ...
Little waves spread the stars glooming over the oceanīs mirror...
Playing in the whiskey smoked twinkle of your eyes
Your voice sings in the oceanīs soothing whisper
Echoes in the space , fills my heart with overwhelming prem
Swirls high above the skies , becomes my Atmaīs own essence...
Brings your presence closer than ever !
In my long sky blue dress galaxies dreams are forging the patterns of Creation
The dance of the Elements pulsing to the rythm of Narayanīs feet !
In Illo Tempore...do you still remember my original face ? as we as children used
to bathe in the spirals of the atoms...our giggles ringing in the heart of the Quarks ?
Iīm dancing beneath this starry sky you made only for me...
Your moonbeam fingers playing with the medal I always wear close to my heart .
My tresses fragrance in the breeze that kisses your smile...
Your breathing in the seaīs moisteness wipping away my tears
of saudade and prem , tickling my nose , mingling my false protests with laughter...
The sacred circle of your embrace reflecting the union of the sea and the sky As you carry me Home .
I want you to wear me forever , Premi .
Iīm sending you for the first time ,
a kiss softly blown in the fragrant breeze...
your Premika
Posted at 04:12 pm by Flora
Friday, April 02, 2004
Our Non-Official Birthday
At MT Hamidalvar Amid Abdull
The Cape at last was reached .
Stormy weather and fire risking the fury of the waves .
All is grey , confusing and unpredictble .
Have thrown away the Captainīs Maps ...no compass to guide .
The perception of space blurred in the duelling of the elements...sky , ocean , foam , fire..
Wild waves engolfing it all ...no more notion of above and below .
I told you long ago...
( was it on a dream ? ) .
I fear not Adamastor !
Iīm the proud daughter of bold Navigators ,
Their blood pulsing in the storm raging inside my Atma ,
Is waking the seaīs longing for their long forgotten stories ,
Visions of new lands and exotic discoveries...
Oh, the mytical Prestes João Kingdom and the Amores Island !
The misterious Canarious Navigational Maps and Cristobal,spy King John II send to Spain ,
The Maritime Oddissey...The raising of a brand new world .
Were was once India , now the Argonauts ahead to Mars...Where next ?
Did they know the world would never be the same ? Do we know ?
Mare Nostrum...
This mare I must now cross...
The Oceanīs salt mingling with my tears , burning my skin with its moist kiss...
Itīs chant echooing in the violent wind , drawing me closer into the Unknown... The Captainīs face is but a cold mask .
His eyes a rocky moonlight refecting the great rock ahead .. He wonīt listen the tempest calling...
(But I know inside his heart thereīs another , more violent tempest soaring...)
Hands firmly carved in wood as he sails the ship across the wild, straight to a safe harbour..
There are silences greater than geographical distances...
" How long does it last ?
Can love be measured by the hours in a day ? "
Does he know...can he understand ?
" All I ever wanted was to make you happy " ..
Pop Corn and Cokes beneath the stars
On a long hot rainy night...
" Please , always trust me ! I wonīt let you ever fall apart ..."
The warmth of your hand in mine...
Strawberry ice cream and my messy, sticky chocolate cake.
You knew...but you never understood what it would mean .
The changes it would bring . And yes , the sacrifices too...
Is there any other way ?
Iīm dropping to the floor my beautiful long black dress...
(You said black had a dramatic effect on my skin , and I blushed...)
Still itīs the blue blanket I keep close to my heart...
Iīm removing my sandals and walking bare foot to the prow
The wind revolving my tresses and blinking my eyes .
Iīm not scared of the Ocean..Iīm scared of me .
Too messed up ...lost on an endless maze of absurdity .
Words...you and me trapped in words complexities .
Where did words start to be more important than us ?
The Captains shouting , his voice calling me to the familiar shipīs safety lap...
But not this time...
Have you ever laughed like someone who weeps ?
"- No compreende ! " - iīm trying to rise my voice above the wind ,
Itīs not a laughing matter , uīd protest , most offended by my irreverence ,
So Iīm trying to make this serious , almost severe expression ,
Lips firmly pressed not to burst laughing .
This is so surreal !...do you really believe thatīs the way out ?
" Why donīt you forget your crazy dreams ? "
Only on the ships edge I notice your kertchief holding the medal close to my heart...
Donīt you know I love you more and more ...as time goes by ? Then the sudden moist coldness...flashes of your expressions...
The way we used to be... " just like that "...
The pigeons date...the first time you sing me a song...the everlasting rain...the blue...
And the house by the lake .
( No more hiding behiond the walls of soothing , deceiving words...)
( No more beautiful , empty promesses...unreal dreams to escape the present )
( No more hurting would I have to watch you go)
Wished I could tell you I know what Iīm doing .
The voice of the sea in my blood...
This untamed restleness of my Atma...
This saudade of something I donīt even know...
The carving for reaching the Sun ,the Moon and the Stars..
To the golden gardens of Sunrise ,
To the silvery fountains of the Dawn...
Iīm only following my heart...
To the center of the Tempest .
To the essence of Truth .
... Until the warmth of your hand in mine.
Posted at 07:55 pm by Flora
Monday, February 23, 2004
" Truth is Beauty.
Beauty is Truth. "
Keats
Posted at 11:58 pm by Flora
Sunday, February 22, 2004
Saudades de ti com sabor a mar...
Lost in the oceanīs depths
Soothing azure spreads my dreams
The taste of a salty saudade trapped
In the shipīs longing for the shore strings...
M.
Staring at the sea
Will she come ?
Is there hope for me
After all is said and done
Anything at any price
All of this for you
All the spoils of a wasted life
All of this for you
All the world has closed her eyes
Tried faith all worn and thin
For all we could have done
And all that could have been
Ocean pulls me close
And whispers in my ear
The destiny Iīve chose
All becoming clear
The currents have their say
The time is drawing near
Washes me away
Makes me disappear
And I descend from grace
In arms of undertow
I will take my place
In the great below
I can still feel you
Even so far away
Trent Reznor
Posted at 12:07 am by Flora
Sunday, February 01, 2004
Something You Can Never Have
You sat down on this bed and you said :
" Christ , what the hell do you think youīre doing ?
If I lied to you , itīs you to blame .
When you love someone you lie not to hurt her feelings ,
and I didnīt want to hurt you..."
You know .
She just couldnīt believe it !
And I said :
" I donīt know but keep your words in mind for it works both ways..."
So go ahead .
I canīt believe that what I feel is really happening to me .
Make it hurt .
And point the finger at my insecurities .
Well I guess I just donīt understand about those complexities in your mind .
And I guess I just donīt understand why this world seems so unkind .
So once again the way you feel will never ever stay the same
And Iīm to blame .
I wonder just who made the rules up for this game .
Well I guess I just donīt understand about what you want and what you need .
and I guess I just donīt understand about how it has to be .
You say those thousands things you think you have to say .
Look at me .
And tell me loveīs not such a hard word anyway .
Well , how can you count on me I thought you realized for sure .
And how can you just believe .
I thought I deserved just a little more .
Maybe . Maybe just once . I get whatīs coming .
Maybe . Maybe just once . I get whatīs coming to me .
Oh , God !
Oh , whatīs coming to me .
Trent Reznor
In the back off the side far away is a place where I hide where I
stay tried to say tried to ask I needed to all alone by myself where
were you ?
How could I ever think itīs funny how everything that
swore it wouldnīt change is different now just like you
would always say weīll make it through then my head fell apart
and where were you ?
How could I ever think itīs funny how everything you swore would
never change is different now like you said you and me make it
through didnīt quite fell apart .
Where the fuck were you ?
Trent Reznor
Me..something you can never have !
Posted at 09:32 am by Flora
Monday, January 19, 2004
Happy Birthday, Michael !
Happy 18th January Birthday to you...
Meu adorado Miguel !
Hoje é o dia mais bonito do ano porque é o teu dia !
Feliz Aniversário meu querido !
Possas encontrar toda a Felicidade , Prosperidade e Realizįão e
que todos os teus Sonhos sejam a Realidade em que celebras a tua Vida !
És o meu Mestre , o meu melhor Amigo e a minha eterna Alma Gęmea...
Era sonho de Pétala e fizeste-me a mais bela Flor...
Pó de Estrelas a cintilar no teu sorriso..
e o teu sorriso ternura do teu olhar que me traz mais perto do Paraíso...
No silęncio sagrado do meu coraįão ergo o meu olhar para as Estrelas e estou contigo !
Always !
Mimsy
Posted at 12:09 am by Flora
Saturday, January 17, 2004
Iīm looking forward to joining You , finally...
At MT Havildar Abdul Hamid...
Staring at the sea
will she come ?
is there hope for me
after all is said and done
anything at any price
all of this for you
all the spoils of a wasted life
all of this for you
all the world has closed her eyes
tired faith all worn and thin
for all we could have done
and all that could have been
Ocean pulls me close
and whispers in my ear
the destiny Iīve chose
all becoming clear
the currents have their say
the time is drawing near
washes me away
makes me disappear
I descend from grace
in arms of undertow
I will take my place
in the great below
I can still feel you
even so far away
Trent Reznor
As black as the night can get
everything is safer now
thereīs always a way to forget
once you learn to find a way how
In the blur of serenity
where did everything get lost ?
the flowers of naivete
buried in a layer of frost
The smell of sunshine
I remember sometimes
Thought he had it all before they called his bluff
found out that his skin just wasnīt thick enough
wanted to go back to how it was before
thought he lost everything
then he lost a whole lot more
A foolīs devotion
swallowed up in empty space
the tears of regret
frozen to the side of his face
The smell of sunshine
I remember sometimes
Iīve done all I can do
could I please come with you ?
sweet smell of sunshine
I remember sometimes
Trent Reznor
... And when the day arrives
Iīll become the sky
And Iīll become the sea
And the sea will come to kiss me
For I am going
Home
Nothing can stop me now
Trent Reznor
Sweet smell of WnN dreams
I remember in the blue ocean blanket all the time...
M.
Posted at 08:35 pm by Flora
Tuesday, January 13, 2004
This song is for you , Amigo...
I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing thatīs real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Tried to kill it all away
But I remember everything
What have I become ?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will let you hurt
I wear this crown of shit
Upon my liarīs chair
Full of broken thoughts
I can not repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here
What have I become ?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will let you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
by Trent Reznor
I tried to imagine a world without you , Francisco.
The pain was hard to bear...
Paz !
Posted at 02:44 am by Flora
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